Things That Are Hurting America #1

8 04 2008

Mr. H has recently graced us with his new series The Good Life which extols the virtues of all the things that make this life worth living. Well he got me to thinking about things that I think that are basically the opposite (the Yang to his Yin if you will). So I will now on a semi-regular basis share with you some things that I think are hurting America. My first few attempts at names for this segment were not so good: 1) The Bad Life (much too much like the brilliance of Mr. H that I dare not bathe in), 2) Things That Blow (ummmm a little too crude perhaps), 3) Bad (a little understated)…

…so without further ado, I give you the first installment of “Things That Are Hurting America”

#1-Truck Balls


(Truck balls in action….SHOOOO WEEE!!)

If you don’t live in the south eastern part of the country you might not be aware of this travesty of which I am writing. They are basically plastic or metal moldings of testicles that one hangs off the trailer hitch of a pick up truck (although when researching this post I did find they are also available in a smaller size for those in the motorcycle community). Let me first say, I don’t understand it. I don’t know what possible good could come from having these “truck’sticles” dangling from your vehicle. Perhaps this is designed for farmers who drive out amongst the cattle and want them to feel like they are ‘one of the boys’. Maybe these balls are for those in the “Rocky Mountain Oysters Aficionados” club. I don’t really have a good explanation for this travesty, but I do have to say it helps the rest of the country to be confident in the stereotypes they have of us. This has got to stop. Truck balls are hurting America.

(Gold for the champs, flesh colored for those who crave realism, blue for…well…you know, and silver for those who finished second place in the “I really am that big of a redneck competition”)

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12 responses

8 04 2008
LMilky

oh my. i’m so glad you brought this up. i agree with you one hundred percent. “truck balls” which i can’t type or say without giggling are absolutely ridiculous. i never thought anything could be as stupid as the little spiky haired boy peeing on the chevy/ford decal until truckballs. gaa lee.

8 04 2008
jason

the blue ones are for smurfs ….among other things !!

8 04 2008
papilio588

you could not have picked a more perfect picture, with the giant American flags and the “truck’sticles” (brilliant by the way)flappin in the wind. geez

8 04 2008
Valerie

I agree wholeheartedly.

8 04 2008
jonathan

I love this series, and am in agreement that pickup balls are destroying America. I cannot wait for the second post!

8 04 2008
M'elle

Amen!
I mean, when you’re in the car with your nieces and nephews and they ask you what those are on that red truck with no muffler with a REALLY long antenna with 5 tennis balls on it, what do you say?
Oh, and I think the ones in the picture are chrome, not silver. You know, in case you have a lot of chrome on your truck and you want them to match.

8 04 2008
Bean

Hilarious! And they have them up here in the Midwest too.

9 04 2008
Heather

I have seen these in use here in good ole Mississippi. Sigh… They are so gross.

10 04 2008
Lane

I haven’t seen those up here in the great white north. Granted, we don’t have much livestock in town, which means there aren’t many farmers (cause and effect, you see).

I have seen, however, clam balls, which people hang from their Prius’s (Pri-i?) They are very, very tiny, however, so they aren’t as annoying.

10 04 2008
Lane

I will also add, that’s why calling somebody “clam balls” is a really bad insult.

27 07 2008
destiny.

i saw red ones once, on my way to the movies, and i had no idea what they were and why they looked like testicles and who in their right freaking mind would put those on there.
thank you for clearing that up for me.

4 04 2009
reporter666

Hey, I think these things are hilarious, I got some great pictures over at my page if you want a laugh. Thanks
http://reporter666.wordpress.com

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