“Let Me Tell You ‘Bout A Girl I Know…”

27 02 2008


So I’ve been avoiding doing this for a long time but I’ve pretty much been pushed to a breaking point. Earlier this week I was reminded of a terrible person and ALL of the awful things that she has done in her life and I feel in this age of ‘full disclosure’ it is only fair for me to share with you about this ‘drain on society’.

The woman I am about to tell you about will be from here on out known as LJM (and believe me she knows who she is). LJM believes she is “better than all you suckers that write blogs” but she certainly is not above reading yours, but she would never stoop so low as to leave a comment on one. Once when she was a little girl LJM attempted to play on a soccer team but quit after only one practice because her cleats made her feet hot. In high school LJM went to school during the day and worked as a stripper at resort for farsighted people at night. Whenever she needs money for her insane heroin habit (usually cut with LaSeur Baby Peas and Cocoa Puffs) she goes out and knocks over either an old lady or a fruit stand whichever is closest. She dips like a Major League third baseman, curses like Ozzy Osbourne with Tourette’s, and hates all races of people including her own. I could go on and on about how horrible LJM is, but perhaps if she had a blog with which to defend herself I wouldn’t be able to. For the moment though I need to get on to more productive things like working (did I mention she can’t keep a job because her bosses all fire her for having longer hair in her armpits than on her head). Its a tough life, but there’s none meaner so don’t mess with her.

**I understand that some in my readership will not understand this post AT ALL and will perhaps think that I’ve gone ’round the bend’. Those of you that do get it, enjoy!




9 responses

27 02 2008

I agree. That LJM is a frightful horror! 😉

27 02 2008

i heard that LJM takes stale hot dogs and smushes them in people’s faces…

at their weddings…

during the ceremony.

27 02 2008

I am glad you cleared up the thing about how you have not gone ’round the bend. I have no idea what you are talking about, but it sounds like good fun.

27 02 2008

and I heard from a sister of a neighbor of a brother of a cousins sisters half brother in law that she cuts like a knife and laughs while you are bleeding !!

28 02 2008

and she farts in people’s purses.

28 02 2008

My feet get hot too.

28 02 2008

That was Mr. H above.

28 02 2008

i think i have a LJM computer virus on my computer !!

4 03 2008

Ok, time for a new post. 🙂 I know you love when I chime in to tell you that! 🙂

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