“Let Me Tell You ‘Bout A Girl I Know…”

27 02 2008

scaryblack2.jpg

So I’ve been avoiding doing this for a long time but I’ve pretty much been pushed to a breaking point. Earlier this week I was reminded of a terrible person and ALL of the awful things that she has done in her life and I feel in this age of ‘full disclosure’ it is only fair for me to share with you about this ‘drain on society’.

The woman I am about to tell you about will be from here on out known as LJM (and believe me she knows who she is). LJM believes she is “better than all you suckers that write blogs” but she certainly is not above reading yours, but she would never stoop so low as to leave a comment on one. Once when she was a little girl LJM attempted to play on a soccer team but quit after only one practice because her cleats made her feet hot. In high school LJM went to school during the day and worked as a stripper at resort for farsighted people at night. Whenever she needs money for her insane heroin habit (usually cut with LaSeur Baby Peas and Cocoa Puffs) she goes out and knocks over either an old lady or a fruit stand whichever is closest. She dips like a Major League third baseman, curses like Ozzy Osbourne with Tourette’s, and hates all races of people including her own. I could go on and on about how horrible LJM is, but perhaps if she had a blog with which to defend herself I wouldn’t be able to. For the moment though I need to get on to more productive things like working (did I mention she can’t keep a job because her bosses all fire her for having longer hair in her armpits than on her head). Its a tough life, but there’s none meaner so don’t mess with her.

**I understand that some in my readership will not understand this post AT ALL and will perhaps think that I’ve gone ’round the bend’. Those of you that do get it, enjoy!

Advertisements

Actions

Information

9 responses

27 02 2008
Bean

I agree. That LJM is a frightful horror! 😉

27 02 2008
luke

i heard that LJM takes stale hot dogs and smushes them in people’s faces…

at their weddings…

during the ceremony.

27 02 2008
Mary

I am glad you cleared up the thing about how you have not gone ’round the bend. I have no idea what you are talking about, but it sounds like good fun.

27 02 2008
jason

and I heard from a sister of a neighbor of a brother of a cousins sisters half brother in law that she cuts like a knife and laughs while you are bleeding !!

28 02 2008
LMilky

and she farts in people’s purses.

28 02 2008
maughry

My feet get hot too.

28 02 2008
maughry

That was Mr. H above.

28 02 2008
Jason

i think i have a LJM computer virus on my computer !!

4 03 2008
Bean

Ok, time for a new post. 🙂 I know you love when I chime in to tell you that! 🙂

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s




%d bloggers like this: